I've got a touch of the blues | hippieheart's Blog

I think it may be hormonal because yesterday I felt like I was on top of the world...and today, I just feel kinda blue.  It may be a bit of the postpartum blues setting in, as I am weaning my son off of breastfeeding after nursing him for two years.  I've heard that that happens ~ when you stop nursing, you go through the same sort of hormonal changes and upsets as when you give birth.  Postpartum.  Ok, so I thought I had prepared myself for that.  I didn't give up nursing cold-turkey.  Instead, I slowly weaned him.  For six weeks, I only nursed him three times a day.  Then it quickly went from three to one nursing a day...and this has been in the past week.  I've been fine until today.  Today I just feel a bit blue.  

It may be the weaning blues.  Or maybe it is because I finally made a friend out here...and one that I have a lot in common with...and she & her family are leaving tomorrow, to move to the Middle East.  We only met less than two months ago, but we've gotten together quite a bit, with our children.  They are only two months apart and have the same temperament, so it was perfect.  But now they are leaving.  We got together twice this week, for play dates and walks in the park.  When they left yesterday, I was surprised at how sad I felt.  Sad that our children were losing their closest friend and sad that I was also losing my one mommy friend.  Knowing that my days will no longer consist of these play dates and these talks that we had...well, it just makes me sad. 

It may be the losing-my-friend blues.  Or maybe it is because I am beginning to think that my son...may have some developmental issues...I can't even type it.  I don't want to admit it, not to myself, not to my husband, not to anyone really.  But I cannot deny that our son is different somehow.  I have the "bookend children" in my family, the oldest and the youngest ~ but, in between, there are TONS of nieces and nephews.  So I have had a lot of exposure to a lot of children.  And yet I have never met a child like my son.  He definitely has some strengths and talents that other children his age don't seem to possess and that it is very promising.  He is two and he has an amazing vocabulary, truly.  The experts say that children, by the age of 24 months, should know about 50 words.  Well, I keep a log ~ a list of all the words my son uses on a regular basis.  He knows almost 140 words.  I think that's pretty amazing.  He is extremely loving ~ always giving hugs and kisses.  And he has always made eye contact.  And he has met all of his milestones on time ~ except for stacking.  So odd but our last Pediatrician in Florida asked us if he was stacking objects.  I guess it is some sort of milestone.  I told her no and she seemed really surprised.  I told her that I often show him how to stack and encourage him to do so, but that he has never stacked anything, ever.  He much prefers for me to stack things, so he can delight in knocking them down.  But, as much emphasis as she placed on this, I found it odd  that she just as easily dismissed it by saying, "Oh, I am sure he can do it."  Then wrote her notes and that was that. 

But one of the things about him that I find interesting and special is that he has a CRAZY attention span.  Like no other child I have ever known.  He will ask us to read books to him and then he will sit through some of the longest and most advanced books, studying the pictures and repeating some of the words back to us.  Or he'll point out things in the picture that we ourselves haven't seen or noticed before.  And, even when we're not reading to him, he likes to sit with his books FOR THE LONGEST TIME and just study them.  You'd swear he was actually reading them the way that he studies the pictures and babbles and makes all of the animal sounds.  It is amazing to watch.  But also, he does this thing that we like to call "Peripherizing."  He looks out from the corner of his eyes, from his peripheral vision, and studies things ~ everything.  He will do this all day.  And, along these lines, he also walks perimeters.  I know it may sound odd or maybe it is nothing ~ but, if we are at a playground or a park or in a music class or whatever together, he prefers to walk along the perimeter of the room, studying the walls.  He will do this with fences, walls, cars that are parked alongside one another ~ anything that he can place his hand on and walk along, studying through his peripheral vision.  I have never seen anything like it.  Ever.  People will often ask me, "What is he doing."  Hell, I don't know.  But I usually just smile and tell them that he likes to study things.  

Who knows ~ maybe he is gifted and will one day be a great architect or physicist or engineer or some kind of artist.  I try to just celebrate these things in him that are uniquely him, but sometimes, I have to admit, it does sort of worry me.

Next week is his two-year-well-check.  I have a list of things to discuss with the doctor.  A lot of questions.  I just want to make sure that, if there is SOMETHING, that we are helping him to develop to his potential and doing all the right things for him, to encourage him to grow and to develop. 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I feel better now that I've gotten that off of my chest.  I am so glad to have finally gotten it out there and to stop obsessing and holding it all in.