Kicking the Beast | hippieheart's Blog

What an awful blog here I seem to have!  In looking at it, it appears that I have only really written (at least recently) of being ill.  How depressing.  Well, I'm not ill now.  My son seems to have a bit of the same stomach crud that I had earlier this week though.  Oh my ~ there I go again!  Maybe that's just the way that it goes, having a toddler, no longer working in the outside world and not having too much else to report on.  Oh, that sounds awful.  

Ok, I do have some really good news.  A positive step in the right direction, towards a healthier me.  I'm in the process of quitting smoking.  I am quitting.  I can't say that I have quit yet, but I am working on it.  It has been such a nasty part of my life, off and on, for so many years.  The times that I have quit, for years at a time, are wonderful times in my life ~ times that I am proud of myself.  I hate poisoning myself and the environment.  It just doesn't make sense.  I recycle, buy organic, drive less, compost more...and make all sorts of positive decisions every day to minimize my footprint on the earth ~ except for this one really REALLY bad thing ~ smoking.  I contradict myself.  How can I eat and act so healthy in so many different aspects of my life, but then SMOKE!?  Because I allowed myself to smoke a cigarette...and that one cigarette lead to a second...and that second lead to a third...until I was hooked AGAIN.  It is so difficult for me to quit.  I am totally addicted.  But my husband (who has always smoked WAY MORE than me) decided to just up and quit a couple of weeks back.  Just like that.  It was at the end of the day and we were heading to bed.  I asked him if he wanted to walk outside and smoke a cigarette with me before bed and he just said, "No.  I gave that up."  JUST LIKE THAT.  And he did.  No patch, no gum, no prescription medication to ward off the cravings.  He did, however, go through some really cranky days where he was completely impatient (so unlike him) and just generally BITCHY.  So I took him to Whole Foods and got him some St. John's Wort and a homeopathic spray for warding off the cravings and the ugly mood swings.  After taking these, he's reported that this time ~ this time of quitting ~ has been the least painful...and seems to be sticking.  Kudos to him.  

So with his inspiration, I decided to BEGIN to quit.  I know myself.  Quitting cold turkey just doesn't seem to work for me.  I get mean.  And feel crazy.  I know it's the addiction and I wish it didn't get the best of me, but it does.  So, instead, I went from a pack + a day (about 12 - 15 cigarettes) to 3 or less.  One day this week I actually didn't smoke a single one!  Today, not such a success story: I've smoked 4.  But I'm not gonna beat myself up because I am smoking less and enjoying it less and I am focused on putting them away ~ someday soon ~ forever.