hippieheart's Blog

After being mysteriously ill for the better part of three months now, and after a half dozen or so doctor visits, and after a multitude of tests, my doctor began treating me for anxiety and panic attacks.  Ok, that has ended up being valid and I am grateful to finally have the clarity (thank you, Zoloft) to begin to get that all under control.  But, for almost 4 months now, I have had diarrhea.  That's right.  Every day, usually for the first 4 - 6 hours of my day.  Then there was the nausea, which lasted for another couple of months.  Then there was the vomiting, which came and went for the better part of three weeks.  I lost about 10 pounds in two weeks.  And then there was the dehydration and the sudden drop in my blood pressure when I stood up.  I was very weak, sleep deprived, dehydrated, nauseated and felt like I was seriously ill.  Even after I began all of the medications (Zoloft, Nexium, Klonopin), I still felt BAD.  So, again, back to the doctor I went.  I asked her if maybe it could be Salmonella.  She didn't dismiss me at all.  Instead, I had the distinct pleasure of submitting a stool sample. 

Today, Sunday, I got a call from a doctor...early in the morning.  But I missed the call.  When I listened to the voicemail, he gave me his name and asked me to call him on his cell phone.  OK...a doctor calling me on a Sunday morning and leaving me his personal cell phone to call him back immediately.  I knew it couldn't be good news.  

I tested positive for Salmonella.  I could hardly believe it.  I was so shocked.  Hell, I am still really shocked.  

So, on top of all of the other medications I am taking, I begin 1,000 milligrams of Cipro tomorrow.  And then it's back to my doctor AGAIN a week from tomorrow.  

Wow.  

My son is in the midst of one of his longest naps ever.  It's so funny too because the only time he ever takes a long nap is when we specifically have plans.  Not that we have tickets to the theater or anything, I just want to go grab a bite to eat before we head over to the craft store...

Three hours.  A freakin' three hour nap!????  My husband and I are on our way into his room, to check on him.  This is completely out of the ordinary for him.

This is day #13 with this nasty cough.  Of course, it hasn't been ugly the whole time.  It started off innocent enough, just another cold, I thought.  But then I started coughing so much and so hard that my chest began to hurt and I had a hard time catching my breath.  I had so much phlegm that I actually became nauseated from all of it.  Haven't been able to eat because of the nausea, feel weak because I haven't eaten and, all the while, just coughing and coughing and coughing, like there's no tomorrow.  I woke up throughout the night last night because I was having hot flashes and was feeling rather nauseous.  I finally crawled out of bed around 6am, coughing all the way to the bathroom, where I sat, with diarrhea, while trying to just not puke.  After a few bouts of diarrhea, I drank some water but still felt very nauseous.  After the water, I promptly threw it all up.  Great.  Have you ever coughed so much that you peed yourself?  Have you ever coughed so loudly that people stare?  Have you ever had so much phlegm that it makes you sick to your stomach, to the point of puking? 

I would've sworn I had Pneumonia again.  But I don't, thankfully.  Just got back from the doctor.  He gave me a shot in my arm of steroids and sent me away with three prescriptions, two of which are controlled substances and all of which are supposed to make me drowsy.  Ok, wonderful.  I am a stay-at-home-mother to a 2 year old and I have no friends or family within the state, besides my husband.  What am I supposed to do?  I guess I will just take the meds that I can at night, after my husband is home and hope for the best.                 

Every time I get sick, afterwards (or while I am beginning to feel better), I always love to clean.  I guess I feel as if I am removing all of the toxins & germs from our home.  Today was one such day.  I was in my son's room and it just felt dusty to me.  I had just dusted it a week (or maybe two?) ago, but it needed it again.  Then I went into an all-out cleaning frenzy.  I was unstoppable!  I vacuumed, swept, cleaned the bathroom, folded laundry, washed & put away more clothes, brought in the trash bin & two recycling tubs in from the curb, emptied the 5,000 or so cigarette butts  from the can out front which had been overflowing for days...

It feels good to clean.  I love living here.  This place is so perfect.  This little duplex is so small that it feels very cozy with just the three of us.  I have fresh cut flowers from the front yard on the table, along with a single aromatherapy candle on the table next to the sofa.  The windows are open and everything feels so fresh.  There is a very good energy here.  I am bursting with creative energy.

I have been painting a large, square coffee table.  When I ran out of orange paint (for the sun), I found some 12X12 paper that was the exact color.  So I first laid down some gold paint, followed by the ripped pieces of paper.  It looks like stone ~ it looks like mosaic.  I am really pleased with how it is turning out.  The center of the table is the center of the sun, round and a very bright (and happy!) yellow.   The flames of the sun then come out from the center, in the orange paint.  Where the orange paint runs out, the ripped pieces of the orange paper take over.  At the end of all the orange, I am going to come in with some bits of red ripped paper, continuing with the mosaic theme.  From there, another layer of Gesso will be put down on top of some silver paint (with blue ripped paper on top, again), in the space surrounding the sun ~ a representation of the sky.  

I think it's really cool how little pieces of ripped paper can so easily resemble mosaic tiles.  

Anyways...I've had a lot of creative energy lately and a lot of art projects have come out of it!   

Don't get me wrong ~ I absolutely adore this little duplex we're renting.  But I can't wait to sell our house in Florida, so we can buy one here!  A friend of ours has decided to buy a house, for the first time.  My husband says she had  a brochure today of a house I would love.  A huge backyard, in a historic district neighborhood, with a tall fence around it.  And the square footage was in our ballpark, too ~ around 2200.  Nice.  Our house in Florida is way too big ~ 3400 sq. feet.  I am looking to find something smaller, cozier and easier to manage.  Something in the ballpark of 2200 square feet would be perfect.   And it HAS to have a nice sized yard.  One that we can play in and one that we can plant in.  A want a garden and at least three bedrooms, so we can use on of those rooms as a guest room / studio for me.  I don't need much, but I am definitely ready for a house here.  We're living in roughly 900 sq. feet and it works fine ~ but does tend to feel small when the weather is bad... 

This is actually a Better Homes & Gardens recipe, but one of my favorites.  It's really quick and easy ~ and I always get rave reviews with it!  The bonus is that it is low-fat, high in protein and a great veggie dish.



South-of-the-Border-Pie

aka "That Bean Dish"



1/2 C. chopped onion

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 T. olive oil or cooking oil

1 to 2 t. chili powder

1 t. ground cumin

1/4 t. salt

(1) 15oz. can red kidney beans (rinsed & drained)

1 1/2 C. cooked brown rice

1 C. shredded cheddar cheese

3/4 C. milk

2 beaten eggs



1. Preheat oven to 350.  Cook rice, following standard rice recipe.

2. In a saucepan, cook onion & garlic in hot oil til tender but not brown.  Stir in chili powder, cumin & salt.  Cook 1-minute more.  Cool.  Stir in beans, cooked rice, cheese, milk and eggs.

3. Spray 10-inch pie plate or quiche dish w/ nonstick coating spray.  Spoon mixture into pie plate.  Bake, uncovered at 350 degrees, for about 25 minutes or until the center is set.  Let stand 10 minutes.  I recommend serving w/ a side of sour cream and salsa.  Makes 6 main-dish servings.

This is actually a Better Homes & Gardens recipe, but one of my favorites.  It's really quick and easy ~ and I always get rave reviews with it!  The bonus is that it is low-fat, high in protein and a great veggie dish.



South-of-the-Border-Pie

aka "That Bean Dish"



1/2 C. chopped onion

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 T. olive oil or cooking oil

1 to 2 t. chili powder

1 t. ground cumin

1/4 t. salt

(1) 15oz. can red kidney beans (rinsed & drained)

1 1/2 C. cooked brown rice

1 C. shredded cheddar cheese

3/4 C. milk

2 beaten eggs



1. Preheat oven to 350.  Cook rice, following standard rice recipe.

2. In a saucepan, cook onion & garlic in hot oil til tender but not brown.  Stir in chili powder, cumin & salt.  Cook 1-minute more.  Cool.  Stir in beans, cooked rice, cheese, milk and eggs.

3. Spray 10-inch pie plate or quiche dish w/ nonstick coating spray.  Spoon mixture into pie plate.  Bake, uncovered at 350 degrees, for about 25 minutes or until the center is set.  Let stand 10 minutes.  I recommend serving w/ a side of sour cream and salsa.  Makes 6 main-dish servings.

Getting a bit of bud was really great.  It inspired me to do all sorts of projects around the house.  I first rearranged our son's room, creating more play space ~ always a good thing!  Then I cleaned all of the floors ~ all of them, every single room.  I vacuumed and swept and mopped.  Then I organized our bedroom, including pulling together an extra-large Ziploc bag full of items to donate.  My husband admitted to me, as he was carrying this bag out to his car, that he still had a trunk full of stuff ~ he still had not been to drop off the last load of donated items.

After we put our son to bed last night, I worked on two art projects, simultaneously: my paper mache doll and a paper collage picture, which I added to an existing frame hanging on the wall.  I was just inspired.  And I organized underneath the kitchen sinks and I moved the two wicker storage baskets (from the kitchen, under the wire shelves) to the front room.  They look better on that wall that has the big wooden mirror ~ helps to balance that space out.  Plus, even when our son moves them around, they still look good.

My husband even got into the projects ~ he washed all of the dishes tonight, just before putting our son to bed, with a few stories.  And, he took our son with him to the grocery store earlier ~ I mopped the kitchen floors. 

I don't think this little Doll House has ever been cleaner.  It smells sooooooo good.  We've had all the windows open all weekend ~ even slept with the ones above our bed open.  It was wonderfully relaxing, hearing the birds...

I even reorganized the linens in the front room and did loads of laundry. 

And we  still managed to take advantage of the breaks in the weather.  It was the craziest thing.  Yesterday, it started off windy, overcast and rainy.  We had had a thunderstorm the night before.  But, as soon as we heard there was going t o be a break in the weather, we high-tailed it outta here.  We took our son on a nice, long walk yesterday.  We we thrilled that we had the chance, as the weather wasn't expected to be good. 

But...again, today, the weather ended up better than we originally thought. 

For our walk today, we decided to take a new path, through the woods.  We told our son it was a "secret path" because it wound through the forest.  We let him walk the whole trail.  Our little hiker.  I had to hold my breath when he wanted to go over bridges and along drop-off paths, on his own.  Of course, I was RIGHT THERE, but it is still hard, seeing him so independent.  

This weekend was a turning point, in a new phase of our son's development: he's started to climb.  REALLY climb.  On every surface.  It is his new thing.  You can't keep him down.

Anyways ~ We've really had a terrific weekend.  It was relaxing and productive.  We got out and enjoyed some beautiful walks.  We did a big Spring-cleaning.  It is so wonderful. 

The whole feel of this little place is different.  There's better flow, more energy, more space, less clutter. 

I love project-weekends!

So yes, I was just being a super-sensitive, worry-wort of a mom. 

My husband and I took our son to the Pediatrician yesterday with a list of questions and observations a mile long.  We were worried because we have never met another child like our son.  Whereas the observations we had made of his habits and preferences seemed like strengths to us, we were beginning to worry that they were highly unusual, to the point of maybe being signs of something wrong.  Like I said ~ we've never seen another child that does the things that ours does.  He is not the typical two year old.  Of course I have to laugh at myself today because, of all people, why would I ever think to worry about someone NOT fitting the mold and not being like everyone else?      

The Pediatrician relieved our anxieties and pointed out that our son had extraordinary strengths which did set him apart, but that shouldn't be viewed as anything more than positive and ~ just that ~ extraordinary.  Namely he is highly analytical, has an amazing vocabulary and studies his environment with a great awareness of all things around him.  He probably notices things most of us never will.  Amen to that.          

So today I am relieved and proud and happy and excited.  All of the strengths and amazing abilities that our son possesses and exhibits will be celebrated, once again, for what they are.  He is different.  In very good ways. 

She said he's probably more intelligent than all of us (referring to my husband and I and herself).  That is, indeed, very promising...

My husband and I were joking around last night.  My husband asked our son if he wanted to maybe be the President one day.  I piped in and said, "Oh, he wants to shoot higher than that!"   I told my husband that, when he receives his Nobel prize in physics or some environmental spectrum, that we will look back at this time and laugh.  And that will be the story we share with the media: He was so brilliant at such an early age, and so unlike any child we had ever met, that we actually took him to the doctor, at age two, thinking there was something wrong with him !

Today is our son's 2 year well-check and immunizations.  I am feeling a bit anxious.  Ok, maybe a lot anxious.  I've got butterflies in my stomach.  Every well-check, prior to this one, has been something I've looked forward to.  I like to hear how the doctor feels he is doing, growing, developing.  I like to hear, officially, how tall he is and how much he weighs.  I like to hear how he measures up and in what percentile of height / weight he falls.  My husband and I both go because we both like to be involved in the process.  It's exciting and somehow rewarding.  We always bring lots of questions for the doctor and we always leave with a sense of...I don't know...accomplishment (?) that we are doing all of the right things and that he is on target. 

But this visit is different.  Maybe I am overreacting.  Maybe I am being overly sensitive.  Maybe I am just suffering from the normal parent insecurities.  Or maybe I am beginning to see and hear things that my heart has been telling me for awhile, which I refused to acknowledge until only recently. 

Our son is unlike any child we've ever known.  Could it be that he is just a brilliant genius with some amazing abilities ~ or could these "oddities" be manifestations of a developmental or neurological disorder or disability?  I don't know.  I'm not sure we'll walk away with any real concrete answers today, but maybe we will at least know what to do next, to begin to uncover the secrets?  I can"t help but feel like we are about to embark on a new journey. 

Our son was six-weeks premature and it was never determined why he came so early.  I never drank or smoked or did any kind of drug while I was pregnant.  I didn't have any particular stress.  I was happy and fulfilled and stress-free, drug-free, alcohol-free.  But still, he came early.  He was kept in Neonatal ICU for five days, for mostly observation ~ and he did have some jaundice, but there were no other issues.  He never had or needed a feeding tube, he didn't have any issues with his lungs or any other vital organ.  He ate well, he responded well, he was perfect.  No issues. 

He met all of his milestones and continued to blossom and grow at a sometimes alarming speed: he was always in the 90th or so percentile for weight and the 50 - 90th percentile for height, always.  He sleeps well, eats well, he is very loving and affectionate.  He has a CRAZY recall / memory and an insane attention span.  I've never seen anything like it.  He does so many "interesting" things that I don't even have the time to list them, in detail, here.  But, suffice it to say, he has some amazing abilities that sometimes freak us out.  What I define as an insane attention span could be just that...but, other times, I think that maybe he is beginning to show signs of some kind of obsessive disorder.  He can sit with his books, alone, and be entertained for hours.  He can recall what is in those books ~ and there are almost 250 of them in his collection.  I can quote a single line from one of these books an he will either respond with something else that is in the book or he will go and get the book.  The books are all random on the five different shelves / cubbies that we have for them...and, he will look at the binding of the books, choose the one I was referencing and then bring it to me.  Sometimes he will go so far as to turn to the exact page I was referring to.  Some of these books are BIG hardbacks, with 300+ pages in them.  Ok. 

There's more, of course.  But, right now, I need to get showered while he is napping, in preparation for the doctor visit.  I've got my notes.  And I am armed with a couple of videos on my camera, to help illustrate my points and observations of his activities. 

I am taking a deep breath.                                                    

I think it may be hormonal because yesterday I felt like I was on top of the world...and today, I just feel kinda blue.  It may be a bit of the postpartum blues setting in, as I am weaning my son off of breastfeeding after nursing him for two years.  I've heard that that happens ~ when you stop nursing, you go through the same sort of hormonal changes and upsets as when you give birth.  Postpartum.  Ok, so I thought I had prepared myself for that.  I didn't give up nursing cold-turkey.  Instead, I slowly weaned him.  For six weeks, I only nursed him three times a day.  Then it quickly went from three to one nursing a day...and this has been in the past week.  I've been fine until today.  Today I just feel a bit blue.  

It may be the weaning blues.  Or maybe it is because I finally made a friend out here...and one that I have a lot in common with...and she & her family are leaving tomorrow, to move to the Middle East.  We only met less than two months ago, but we've gotten together quite a bit, with our children.  They are only two months apart and have the same temperament, so it was perfect.  But now they are leaving.  We got together twice this week, for play dates and walks in the park.  When they left yesterday, I was surprised at how sad I felt.  Sad that our children were losing their closest friend and sad that I was also losing my one mommy friend.  Knowing that my days will no longer consist of these play dates and these talks that we had...well, it just makes me sad. 

It may be the losing-my-friend blues.  Or maybe it is because I am beginning to think that my son...may have some developmental issues...I can't even type it.  I don't want to admit it, not to myself, not to my husband, not to anyone really.  But I cannot deny that our son is different somehow.  I have the "bookend children" in my family, the oldest and the youngest ~ but, in between, there are TONS of nieces and nephews.  So I have had a lot of exposure to a lot of children.  And yet I have never met a child like my son.  He definitely has some strengths and talents that other children his age don't seem to possess and that it is very promising.  He is two and he has an amazing vocabulary, truly.  The experts say that children, by the age of 24 months, should know about 50 words.  Well, I keep a log ~ a list of all the words my son uses on a regular basis.  He knows almost 140 words.  I think that's pretty amazing.  He is extremely loving ~ always giving hugs and kisses.  And he has always made eye contact.  And he has met all of his milestones on time ~ except for stacking.  So odd but our last Pediatrician in Florida asked us if he was stacking objects.  I guess it is some sort of milestone.  I told her no and she seemed really surprised.  I told her that I often show him how to stack and encourage him to do so, but that he has never stacked anything, ever.  He much prefers for me to stack things, so he can delight in knocking them down.  But, as much emphasis as she placed on this, I found it odd  that she just as easily dismissed it by saying, "Oh, I am sure he can do it."  Then wrote her notes and that was that. 

But one of the things about him that I find interesting and special is that he has a CRAZY attention span.  Like no other child I have ever known.  He will ask us to read books to him and then he will sit through some of the longest and most advanced books, studying the pictures and repeating some of the words back to us.  Or he'll point out things in the picture that we ourselves haven't seen or noticed before.  And, even when we're not reading to him, he likes to sit with his books FOR THE LONGEST TIME and just study them.  You'd swear he was actually reading them the way that he studies the pictures and babbles and makes all of the animal sounds.  It is amazing to watch.  But also, he does this thing that we like to call "Peripherizing."  He looks out from the corner of his eyes, from his peripheral vision, and studies things ~ everything.  He will do this all day.  And, along these lines, he also walks perimeters.  I know it may sound odd or maybe it is nothing ~ but, if we are at a playground or a park or in a music class or whatever together, he prefers to walk along the perimeter of the room, studying the walls.  He will do this with fences, walls, cars that are parked alongside one another ~ anything that he can place his hand on and walk along, studying through his peripheral vision.  I have never seen anything like it.  Ever.  People will often ask me, "What is he doing."  Hell, I don't know.  But I usually just smile and tell them that he likes to study things.  

Who knows ~ maybe he is gifted and will one day be a great architect or physicist or engineer or some kind of artist.  I try to just celebrate these things in him that are uniquely him, but sometimes, I have to admit, it does sort of worry me.

Next week is his two-year-well-check.  I have a list of things to discuss with the doctor.  A lot of questions.  I just want to make sure that, if there is SOMETHING, that we are helping him to develop to his potential and doing all the right things for him, to encourage him to grow and to develop. 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I feel better now that I've gotten that off of my chest.  I am so glad to have finally gotten it out there and to stop obsessing and holding it all in.              

I feel like a new woman...one this is more refreshed, less stressed and loving life! 

Let me tell you ~ I am loving the new bedtime routine.  It's actually the old routine, just revisited.



While in Florida, my husband always gave our son his bath and, with the exception of my nursing, he also was in charge of bedtime. It was a nice break for me and it gave the boys some time together, alone.



When we got out here (and I'm not sure exactly why or how) but we fell out of that routine. I think, initially, it was because we didn't set up our son's bathtub ~ there just wasn't anywhere to put it!  So, I crawled into the bath with him. But that somehow then also lead to me reading to him...and then nursing him...and getting him into bed. It made for some long days.



I am still taking baths with him, but now Daddy has once again taken over the entire bedtime routine...and I gotta say that I love it. Now, after the bath, I accompany the boys into our son's room while Daddy puts his pajamas on him...and then our son gives me a kiss goodnight and I am outta there! No more nursing. It is a wonderful, wonderful thing and I truly appreciate my husband's enthusiasm and understanding ~ he is just so bad-ass!



It is not even 7:30pm and I can have a glass of wine, if I wanted. (Oh wait, we're out of wine right now). But I could have one IF I wanted and IF we had some! Ah, a nice change. And, with only the one nursing now, I find that I am not nearly as exhausted as I feel on most days.



I am quite happy and thankful for the changes as of late ~ I feel like a new woman.

I feel like a new woman...one this is more refreshed, less stressed and loving life! 

Let me tell you ~ I am loving the new bedtime routine.  It's actually the old routine, just revisited.



While in Florida, my husband always gave our son his bath and, with the exception of my nursing, he also was in charge of bedtime. It was a nice break for me and it gave the boys some time together, alone.



When we got out here (and I'm not sure exactly why or how) but we fell out of that routine. I think, initially, it was because we didn't set up our son's bathtub ~ there just wasn't anywhere to put it!  So, I crawled into the bath with him. But that somehow then also lead to me reading to him...and then nursing him...and getting him into bed. It made for some long days.



I am still taking baths with him, but now Daddy has once again taken over the entire bedtime routine...and I gotta say that I love it. Now, after the bath, I accompany the boys into our son's room while Daddy puts his pajamas on him...and then our son gives me a kiss goodnight and I am outta there! No more nursing. It is a wonderful, wonderful thing and I truly appreciate my husband's enthusiasm and understanding ~ he is just so bad-ass!



It is not even 7:30pm and I can have a glass of wine, if I wanted. (Oh wait, we're out of wine right now). But I could have one IF I wanted and IF we had some! Ah, a nice change. And, with only the one nursing now, I find that I am not nearly as exhausted as I feel on most days.



I am quite happy and thankful for the changes as of late ~ I feel like a new woman.

Damn...we are still going through a dry spell in our lives, of having no weed.  What is up with that!?  A friend of ours began dating a guy whom she said could locate.  Of course, by the time she let us know this, they decided not to see each other anymore and she didn't get the opportunity to ask him before they broke up. 

Our neighbor said he has friends that still smoke, although he was, himself, on probation and being drug-tested for the next seven months.  After I finally got up the nerve to ask him if he smoked pot, he said he'd see what he could do, to hook us up.  But that was a week ago.  Each day I've seen him, since our initial conversation, he assures me that he's working on it ~ he's always waiting to hear back from this guy or that guy and that he should know something soon.  Sounds like bullshit to me.  

I was really hoping that we'd be able to locate while my in-laws were here, so that when we went out on our date night (a rare occasion indeed) we could smoke down and have a bit of fun.  We had fun, but we didn't get  to smoke any pot. 

Now that I think about it, I haven't seen this neighbor since this past Wednesday or Thursday.  He just disappeared.

Sucks.  I just want to smoke a little weed!!!

I set a goal to nurse my son for two years.  It is now a week before his 2nd birthday and I am on track.  For the past several weeks, I've gotten him down to nursing only 3 times a day...but I was in a sort of rut, not knowing how to move beyond these three designated times. 

While my in-laws were here, for the past four days, my husband also took off work.  So I decided that, with all of their support, I'd try to take the next step: of cutting out yet another nursing.  I had my husband put my son to sleep, for his nap, and removed myself from the equation all together.  This worked like a charm.  With me out of the room, our son didn't ask for "booby" and, instead, went to sleep without issue.  I was actually a bit shocked ~ but then I came to realize that it was probably ME that was the issue.  Although I want to quit nursing, there is still a part of me that is holding on.  He is my last baby...and, when the nursing is over...well, it will be the last time I will be able to do it.  And that also means my son moving towards even more independence.  Yes, I recognize that independence is important and necessary and should be the goal of every parent ~ but when they're still so small and young, it is easy to not want to let them go, even if letting go only means not breast-feeding any longer.

The added bonus of having my in-laws here meant DATE NIGHT for us.  We ended up going out to dinner one night and out to a movie the next night ~ two date nights in a row!  Which also meant that they put him to bed for us...which, in turn, meant no breast-feeding.  So we went from nursing three times a day to only nursing ONCE, for two days in a row...and only nursing twice for the other two days  they were here.  

And ya know what!?  My son has been totally fine with it.  He hasn't been upset, hasn't thrown a fit, hasn't refused to nap or go to bed at night.  In fact, he didn't even request the boob.  Again, this just illustrates to me that it is more ME that is having a difficult time in giving it up, not him.  

Today the in-lawsare gone and my husband is back to work.  So I am on my own, as far as nap time goes.  But I am focused on the big picture and I am keeping my eyes on the goal.  I will put him down for a nap without nursing him.  And tonight, when he's ready for bed, I'll have my husband put him down ~ giving myself a nice break and further reinforcing my son's ability to fall asleep without the boob. 

This is working out quite nicely.  

I've heard that when a woman gives up breast-feeding, she goes through the same hormonal changes as she does after she's had the baby.  I'm hoping I don't get all moody and weepy, but I have prepared myself for that possibility: I've stocked up on Rescue Remedy...and I know I have my husband's support.  I've warned him.  But, knock on wood, so far it has gone well and I don't feel moody or weepy.   

What an awful blog here I seem to have!  In looking at it, it appears that I have only really written (at least recently) of being ill.  How depressing.  Well, I'm not ill now.  My son seems to have a bit of the same stomach crud that I had earlier this week though.  Oh my ~ there I go again!  Maybe that's just the way that it goes, having a toddler, no longer working in the outside world and not having too much else to report on.  Oh, that sounds awful.  

Ok, I do have some really good news.  A positive step in the right direction, towards a healthier me.  I'm in the process of quitting smoking.  I am quitting.  I can't say that I have quit yet, but I am working on it.  It has been such a nasty part of my life, off and on, for so many years.  The times that I have quit, for years at a time, are wonderful times in my life ~ times that I am proud of myself.  I hate poisoning myself and the environment.  It just doesn't make sense.  I recycle, buy organic, drive less, compost more...and make all sorts of positive decisions every day to minimize my footprint on the earth ~ except for this one really REALLY bad thing ~ smoking.  I contradict myself.  How can I eat and act so healthy in so many different aspects of my life, but then SMOKE!?  Because I allowed myself to smoke a cigarette...and that one cigarette lead to a second...and that second lead to a third...until I was hooked AGAIN.  It is so difficult for me to quit.  I am totally addicted.  But my husband (who has always smoked WAY MORE than me) decided to just up and quit a couple of weeks back.  Just like that.  It was at the end of the day and we were heading to bed.  I asked him if he wanted to walk outside and smoke a cigarette with me before bed and he just said, "No.  I gave that up."  JUST LIKE THAT.  And he did.  No patch, no gum, no prescription medication to ward off the cravings.  He did, however, go through some really cranky days where he was completely impatient (so unlike him) and just generally BITCHY.  So I took him to Whole Foods and got him some St. John's Wort and a homeopathic spray for warding off the cravings and the ugly mood swings.  After taking these, he's reported that this time ~ this time of quitting ~ has been the least painful...and seems to be sticking.  Kudos to him.  

So with his inspiration, I decided to BEGIN to quit.  I know myself.  Quitting cold turkey just doesn't seem to work for me.  I get mean.  And feel crazy.  I know it's the addiction and I wish it didn't get the best of me, but it does.  So, instead, I went from a pack + a day (about 12 - 15 cigarettes) to 3 or less.  One day this week I actually didn't smoke a single one!  Today, not such a success story: I've smoked 4.  But I'm not gonna beat myself up because I am smoking less and enjoying it less and I am focused on putting them away ~ someday soon ~ forever.                                   

Had a scary, all-consuming stomach flu thing yesterday.  It was awful.  I'm feeling better today but still tender.  Tuesday night all was well.  Went to bed and sometime around 2am I woke up with some cramps in my stomach.  I felt hot all over and just KNEW I was going to vomit.   I got up three or four times and went to the bathroom, but nothing.  Of course, I couldn't sleep, just waiting to throw up.  Yuck.  I hate that feeling.   Finally, around 4:45am, I threw up.  And threw up and threw up.   It was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.  And then it started from the other end.  Sorry to be graphic.  I don't think I've ever lost so much fluid from my body and in such a short span of time.  

Thankfully, when I begged my husband to stay home from work, he scrambled to make it so.  During a conference call he was on, I ran past him to throw up again, barely making it in time.  I was an awful mess.  I slept all day yesterday.  Oh, it was awful.  

I am just praying that my son doesn't get this.                  

Ok, I have been out of touch forever...because our only laptop crapped out without warning.  But, luckily, it was still under manufacturer's warranty so it is fixed now...the only cost to us the inconvenience of having to wait for it to be serviced.   Wait a pain in the butt.  I need to catch up.  I feel like I have been so out of touch!